My First Day

Today was the first day of school. Technically I started my grad program today. But I actually started doing some reading on the I-15 where I was parked last week when a dump truck's tire blew and I was stranded for two hours. And I had my orientation for my program on Friday and met my other cohorters. And the only class I had today was beginning ballet.

Soooooo today wasn't really a big deal to me. But I was on campus all day between dropping in on a personal finance class with my girl Emily (which made me realize that I want to be good at personal finance, so I'll take that class later) and attempting to do some super boring reading. Then I had my first official day at my new job in the newsroom. They found out that I know how to use InDesign and now they want me to help out on the design as well (yay!!). It's kind of fun working in a newsroom. I had a blast writing captions today.

But despite not actually starting my program today in the traditional sense of taking classes that pertain to my program, it was weird to be a student again on campus.

I'm still not sure about this whole grad program thing. It's a bit overwhelming and nebulous to me. I'm sure it'll be great and I know it's where I need to be. But the unknown terrifies me.

Tomorrow: six hours of class. Wish me luck.

Airports

The past week has been an absolute whirlwind. Here's a synopsis of things I did:

-Wrapped up all my projects at work...mostly
-Trained my replacement....mostly
-Quit my job
-Went to the doctor (the levels are much better and I may be able to start eating normal food again!!! [even though I already am for the next week, huzzah!])
-Played volleyball
-Played volleyball
-Played volleyball
-Played volleyball
-My forearms got really bruised from playing volleyball...It looks a little sketchy.
-Went swimming
-Bonfire
-Moved
-Cleaned, with no AC. Yep. It got up to 85 degrees. That was amazing...
-Took a walk in my favorite place in Provo
-Assembled a dresser by myself, using an awl for the first time last night around 1:30 a.m. (that was fun)
-Started my new job in the newsroom, copyedited yesterday, did the layout for the sports section for tomorrow's paper. Check it out. I'm sure it will look completely different from what I started with...(Loving my new job in the newsroom, ps. It's going to be amazing. I feel like I'm in His Girl Friday the whole time I'm there.)
-Changed my address
-Went up to Salt Lake to hang out with my dear friend Allison, who just moved from Boston and is on her way to Seattle. So good to see you, Al!
-Slept in my new room for the first time
-Started breaking in my new mattress, which I love
-Played with my roommate's dog, Kaya. She's gorgeous.
-My stake was split and now I'm in a completely new ward....It should be an adventure.
-Went to multiple wedding receptions then up to Centerville for a ward activity including a giant slip and slide
-Drove to the airport twice
-Received an adorable knit penguin from my dear friend Emily. It's keeping my nightstand company while I'm gone.
-Made it to the airport and now I'm on my way to Boston to see Bruce Springsteen!!! I have been having a hard time keeping my excitement in check. One more day!

That about sums it up. I'll be back east for about a week. I'll let you know how the adventure goes!

Karma

Well guys, it's been a good run without any injuries for me, but, let's be honest, we knew it wouldn't last long.

The long streak ended about a month ago. I went down to Zion National Park with some friends and wound up with a broken toe somehow. I blame my Chacos. (I'm not the huge fan that everyone else seems to be. Mine have only caused me pain. I've officially broken up with them.) We hiked up the Narrows, which is a river hike. It was cool and refreshing in 105 degree weather. And let me just say that Zion is so beautiful. I will go back there again and again. But I came out of the river, which was chilly, and my left pinky toe started to hurt. I thought my Chacos were just adjusted wrong, but no. Turns out I broke my toe somehow in the river. Some athletic tape later, and I was just fine. I enjoyed not wearing closed toed shoes at work for those couple of weeks. And it really didn't hurt, so it was no big deal. It didn't slow me down at all, thank goodness. We all know how much I hate being slowed down.

Well every Monday a group of us gets together to play racquetball up on campus. I am absolutely the worst one who goes, but it's always a good time and racquetball is extremely addicting. My friend Adam had pulled his hamstring at our stake kickball tournament (which we dominated at, just so you know) a couple days before. And I was sad that he couldn't play racquetball with us, but then I realized that he wouldn't be needing his goggles.....So after he gave me the green light I made my way over to his apartment. I was walking down the ramp, looking up and talking to a friend who was out on his balcony when all of the sudden, my foot found itself caught up in a crack in the pavement (This crack is about the width of a hand...not just some tiny crack. Please don't think I'm completely ridiculous.) Well, the rest of my body kept going and my foot did not. I fell down hard and heard that lovely popping noise we all hate to hear...

I ended up with some torn ligaments in my foot, where I had torn ligaments before. I've been healing fairly well these past two weeks and with the help of an ankle brace I'm walking around just fine. I hobbled around quite a bit for the first few days, but now I'm not even limping. YAY! Give me a few more weeks and I'll be back to running around like a child.

So the lesson I have learned this time: don't try and take advantage of your friends who are injured. You may end up tripping over yourself in a freak accident and tearing ligaments in your foot like a fool.

Today, I leave you with some pictures of my recent adventures. It's been a while since I've shared any pictures with you....

In June I went to my dear friend Emily's wedding in Denver. Isn't she a doll?

A couple from Zion:

This was totally unplanned. Probably the highlight of the trip for both of us.

 Here are some pictures from the kickball tournament. It was seriously so fun. I never knew kickball could be this fun.

We were so good as a team we even coordinated our standing positions...apparently.

My adorable roommate Audrey.

After poor Adam pulled his hamstring. I rocked the awkward face, didn't I?

We were trying to be mean. Notice Audrey's face. I can only manage neutral. She masters mean.

Don't worry we had a coach, Steven. He led us to victory.

And don't worry. We conspired to dump a cooler of water on him after we won it all.

Thursday Funsized

Yesterday I went to a Real Salt Lake game for the first time. I discovered a few things: I love going to professional soccer games, sitting by the rhythm section is really fun and I wish I were Latina and could join them, I do not like the LA Galaxy (although seeing Landon Donovan in person was really cool), and that trying to park before a game there is lunacy and I will get there earlier in the future.

It's time for Strawberry Days again in Pleasant Grove. You'll recall my experience from last year. I was reminded by picking up a gallon of Freedom Milk at the store again this year. (My milk expires on July 4. This happened to me last year. I love my Freedom Milk.) Now I need to go back there and ride the Zipper again. Who wants to come with me this year?

The Euro Cup is going on right now. Some of you may know that I get completely obsessed with international soccer events and the Olympics. (As in I will watch every game that I can, follow the stats of every game and yell at the TV.) Lucky me I get both this summer. Portugal is facing off this afternoon in the quarterfinals. I can't wait.

This article moved me and spoke to me. I follow this blog regularly and I have so much respect for Robert Krulwich. Any of you who related to my blog post of a similar vein will love this.

And finally for all of you Ryan Gosling fans or not-fans, this video is delightful. The boy could move better as a nine-year-old than I can as an adult.

Tender Mercies in an Overwhelming Day

Today completely overwhelmed me.

I've had unexplained health problems for the past four years, which have left me completely exhausted and sometimes dizzy for months at a time. I've gone to several doctors, tried different courses of action, and still I hadn't discovered the root issue. We'd only been merely treating the symptoms. Well a couple weeks ago I went to an angel of a doctor and he talked with me and he actually listened to me (miracle!) and he took six vials of my blood. Yes, six.

Today I went back and he went over the results with me, spending the necessary time to go over what every single line of the six page report meant and explaining the physiology when necessary. I finally got some answers:

I can't eat wheat, milk, or eggs anymore.

This is both good news and bad news. Good news is that this should put my body back in balance and resolve the weird problems I've been having and lead a normal life, feeling much better than I have in years.

The bad news is that I feel like I'm going to be hungry from now on. (I know I'm not actually going to be hungry. It just feels like it.) Milk and eggs I can deal with. Coconut or rice milk, check. I can still eat cheese and yogurt, so that saves me from instantly breaking down into sobs. Eggs I never really eat anyway and it's not a big deal if they're used in something. These two things I can handle. It's just the wheat. It's in everything it seems. For many people this wouldn't be a big issue at all. After the appointment, I went back to work and wasn't too worried about it. But then my brain actually started to register what this would mean for my life and I became completely overwhelmed. So much so that I left an hour early, came home, watched some HIMYM, worked on a puzzle, and tried to not think about it. Then I went to three different grocery stores for different reasons and I just became more downtrodden as the seemingly insurmountable task of feeding myself unfolded before me.

You see, I am not a planner. I can do big picture stuff. Ask me where I want to be in five years and I'll have an answer for you. Ask me what I'm going to be doing the rest of the week and that gets a little hazy. Planning was the worst part of every week on my mission. I hate hammering out details. I like understanding expectations and big picture issues. The rest just falls into place as you go along. But having such a strict diet now requires that I actually plan ahead and have a detailed plan of what I'm going to be eating. At least now as I'm trying to wrap my brain around it.

And that is what overwhelms me. I feel almost panicky when I think about what I'm actually going to be eating beyond tomorrow. Before I could just wing it (my favorite). Now I have to think about it. Food has turned from friend to foe. Thanks a lot, Food.

But as I was meandering through Sunflower Market, feeling completely out of my element surrounded by natural, organic, Oregonianesque foods, a beautiful thing happened: "Angel of Harlem" by U2 came on. U2 has a magical ability to heal me. I felt instantly better. And then CCR's "Proud Mary" came on. Another favorite. And then when I went to Smith's because I'd forgotten something (third grocery trip by then) "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi came on and I couldn't help but dance a little and sing along. That was exactly what I needed. It helped me realize that even though this overwhelms me, and will continue to overwhelm me for some time, God knows where I am and what I'm going through. Those songs were a hug from on high and I'm grateful to know that I am loved, even while grocery shopping.

And I know I can conquer this.

A Delightful Video

I stumbled upon this gem today:

I don't know what it is about this video. But I think it's delightful. There's something about seeing Justin Bieber hanging out with his friends doing normal teenage silly things that just makes me smile. I'm somehow comforted that all of these child stars have friends and do silly things. They wear fake mustaches, they use bananas as phones, they have silly hats and sunglasses. And I love it. It just made my day today.

Hooray for a very public glimpse into a sense of normalcy.

Also, I love that they're making fun of a ridiculous song. Seems ironic, no?

What No One Prepared Me For

Remember the game Life? You had your car that you filled with yourself and then your spouse and then your children. You moved forward, passing through various milestones.

Well, I've kind of completed all the milestones I can. Left home? Check. Study abroad? Check. Mission? Check. Undergraduate degree? Check. Full-time employment? Check. I obviously won't be adding more players to my car at the moment. But I feel like my car has broken down and I've been pulled over to the side of the Life road.

Now I love my metaphorical car. It's been good to me. I've had a good run to this point. But I'm exhausted of feeling like I'm stalled on the side of the road and that no effort on my part is getting me back on the road of life. But perhaps it's my perspective. My whole life I've had a plan, a next step. When you're a kid, you have the next grade and the prospect of summer break. As you get older, you look forward to going to college. In college you look forward to the next semester, or that study abroad, or a mission, or graduation, or marriage. There was always a next step.

I know I have a million next steps in front of me. I just don't know how to take them. I have every opportunity in front of me and it's paralyzing. I've been trying move forward with my life (whatever that actually means) for months and every plan I've made has blown up in my face. When I was growing up, I was prepared to go to school, serve a mission, get a job, get married, have kids, etc. But now there is no mechanism for helping move forward. I have to figure it out on my own. And I have to figure out what "moving forward" actually is.

I guess what I'm realizing is that we're all moving forward blindly. I feel like I understand Paul's words to the Corinthians: "For now we see through a glass, darkly" (1 Corinthians 13:12 KJV). I feel like that is exactly what I'm doing. I'm looking through a dark glass, trying to figure out what my next move is (no pun actually intended, though it works).

The thing is that no one can actually prepare you for growing up. It just happens gradually. And it's painful. It's how we become who God intended for us to be. And it's hard.

There's just no way to plan to not have a plan. So maybe my car isn't broken down on the side of the road. But I'm just landing on one every time I spin the wheel, making indiscernible progress toward my next milestone. But who knows, maybe my next turn I'll land on ten (or eight or seven...I'd even go for a three) and it will take me to where I need to be. But in the meantime, I'll wait until it's my turn to spin and then I'll try to be content with landing on one again if that's what it turns out to be. It may take me longer to get there, but I'll get there eventually.