Thursday Funsized

Yesterday I went to a Real Salt Lake game for the first time. I discovered a few things: I love going to professional soccer games, sitting by the rhythm section is really fun and I wish I were Latina and could join them, I do not like the LA Galaxy (although seeing Landon Donovan in person was really cool), and that trying to park before a game there is lunacy and I will get there earlier in the future.

It's time for Strawberry Days again in Pleasant Grove. You'll recall my experience from last year. I was reminded by picking up a gallon of Freedom Milk at the store again this year. (My milk expires on July 4. This happened to me last year. I love my Freedom Milk.) Now I need to go back there and ride the Zipper again. Who wants to come with me this year?

The Euro Cup is going on right now. Some of you may know that I get completely obsessed with international soccer events and the Olympics. (As in I will watch every game that I can, follow the stats of every game and yell at the TV.) Lucky me I get both this summer. Portugal is facing off this afternoon in the quarterfinals. I can't wait.

This article moved me and spoke to me. I follow this blog regularly and I have so much respect for Robert Krulwich. Any of you who related to my blog post of a similar vein will love this.

And finally for all of you Ryan Gosling fans or not-fans, this video is delightful. The boy could move better as a nine-year-old than I can as an adult.

Tender Mercies in an Overwhelming Day

Today completely overwhelmed me.

I've had unexplained health problems for the past four years, which have left me completely exhausted and sometimes dizzy for months at a time. I've gone to several doctors, tried different courses of action, and still I hadn't discovered the root issue. We'd only been merely treating the symptoms. Well a couple weeks ago I went to an angel of a doctor and he talked with me and he actually listened to me (miracle!) and he took six vials of my blood. Yes, six.

Today I went back and he went over the results with me, spending the necessary time to go over what every single line of the six page report meant and explaining the physiology when necessary. I finally got some answers:

I can't eat wheat, milk, or eggs anymore.

This is both good news and bad news. Good news is that this should put my body back in balance and resolve the weird problems I've been having and lead a normal life, feeling much better than I have in years.

The bad news is that I feel like I'm going to be hungry from now on. (I know I'm not actually going to be hungry. It just feels like it.) Milk and eggs I can deal with. Coconut or rice milk, check. I can still eat cheese and yogurt, so that saves me from instantly breaking down into sobs. Eggs I never really eat anyway and it's not a big deal if they're used in something. These two things I can handle. It's just the wheat. It's in everything it seems. For many people this wouldn't be a big issue at all. After the appointment, I went back to work and wasn't too worried about it. But then my brain actually started to register what this would mean for my life and I became completely overwhelmed. So much so that I left an hour early, came home, watched some HIMYM, worked on a puzzle, and tried to not think about it. Then I went to three different grocery stores for different reasons and I just became more downtrodden as the seemingly insurmountable task of feeding myself unfolded before me.

You see, I am not a planner. I can do big picture stuff. Ask me where I want to be in five years and I'll have an answer for you. Ask me what I'm going to be doing the rest of the week and that gets a little hazy. Planning was the worst part of every week on my mission. I hate hammering out details. I like understanding expectations and big picture issues. The rest just falls into place as you go along. But having such a strict diet now requires that I actually plan ahead and have a detailed plan of what I'm going to be eating. At least now as I'm trying to wrap my brain around it.

And that is what overwhelms me. I feel almost panicky when I think about what I'm actually going to be eating beyond tomorrow. Before I could just wing it (my favorite). Now I have to think about it. Food has turned from friend to foe. Thanks a lot, Food.

But as I was meandering through Sunflower Market, feeling completely out of my element surrounded by natural, organic, Oregonianesque foods, a beautiful thing happened: "Angel of Harlem" by U2 came on. U2 has a magical ability to heal me. I felt instantly better. And then CCR's "Proud Mary" came on. Another favorite. And then when I went to Smith's because I'd forgotten something (third grocery trip by then) "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi came on and I couldn't help but dance a little and sing along. That was exactly what I needed. It helped me realize that even though this overwhelms me, and will continue to overwhelm me for some time, God knows where I am and what I'm going through. Those songs were a hug from on high and I'm grateful to know that I am loved, even while grocery shopping.

And I know I can conquer this.

A Delightful Video

I stumbled upon this gem today:

I don't know what it is about this video. But I think it's delightful. There's something about seeing Justin Bieber hanging out with his friends doing normal teenage silly things that just makes me smile. I'm somehow comforted that all of these child stars have friends and do silly things. They wear fake mustaches, they use bananas as phones, they have silly hats and sunglasses. And I love it. It just made my day today.

Hooray for a very public glimpse into a sense of normalcy.

Also, I love that they're making fun of a ridiculous song. Seems ironic, no?

What No One Prepared Me For

Remember the game Life? You had your car that you filled with yourself and then your spouse and then your children. You moved forward, passing through various milestones.

Well, I've kind of completed all the milestones I can. Left home? Check. Study abroad? Check. Mission? Check. Undergraduate degree? Check. Full-time employment? Check. I obviously won't be adding more players to my car at the moment. But I feel like my car has broken down and I've been pulled over to the side of the Life road.

Now I love my metaphorical car. It's been good to me. I've had a good run to this point. But I'm exhausted of feeling like I'm stalled on the side of the road and that no effort on my part is getting me back on the road of life. But perhaps it's my perspective. My whole life I've had a plan, a next step. When you're a kid, you have the next grade and the prospect of summer break. As you get older, you look forward to going to college. In college you look forward to the next semester, or that study abroad, or a mission, or graduation, or marriage. There was always a next step.

I know I have a million next steps in front of me. I just don't know how to take them. I have every opportunity in front of me and it's paralyzing. I've been trying move forward with my life (whatever that actually means) for months and every plan I've made has blown up in my face. When I was growing up, I was prepared to go to school, serve a mission, get a job, get married, have kids, etc. But now there is no mechanism for helping move forward. I have to figure it out on my own. And I have to figure out what "moving forward" actually is.

I guess what I'm realizing is that we're all moving forward blindly. I feel like I understand Paul's words to the Corinthians: "For now we see through a glass, darkly" (1 Corinthians 13:12 KJV). I feel like that is exactly what I'm doing. I'm looking through a dark glass, trying to figure out what my next move is (no pun actually intended, though it works).

The thing is that no one can actually prepare you for growing up. It just happens gradually. And it's painful. It's how we become who God intended for us to be. And it's hard.

There's just no way to plan to not have a plan. So maybe my car isn't broken down on the side of the road. But I'm just landing on one every time I spin the wheel, making indiscernible progress toward my next milestone. But who knows, maybe my next turn I'll land on ten (or eight or seven...I'd even go for a three) and it will take me to where I need to be. But in the meantime, I'll wait until it's my turn to spin and then I'll try to be content with landing on one again if that's what it turns out to be. It may take me longer to get there, but I'll get there eventually.

Self-Evolution

I just came to the discovery that I'm finally okay with it being the year twenty twelve. Before I'd always held firm to saying two thousand eleven. Now. I don't care. Bring on twenty twelve.

Lost Folder, Found Time

So someone just moved or deleted the one folder that we store all of our course data in. Whoops. Fortunately our computer ops guys can get it fixed for us shortly. But in the meantime, I've finished everything I can without that folder. So why not say hi?

Have I mentioned that I started playing the guitar last year? My dear friend, Asia, taught me some basics last summer when it wouldn't stop raining and I've just been practicing and teaching myself since then. And I love it. It's nice to be able to learn something new, especially something music related. It's also nice to keep my dexterity up to snuff for when I play the violin.

Some things I've learned so far:

-Frets are fantastic.
-Playing and singing simultaneously is both hard and easy.
-I am much better now than I used to be. I can sight-read most uncomplicated music.
-The guitar is wonderfully complex. The more you delve into it, the more fun it is.
-I am not afraid to play and sing in public. I did my first acoustic night only a few days after I had first started playing. The audience was gracious enough to support me.
-I cannot for the life of me figure out how to write music. Sad face.

Take home message: the guitar is really fun and a great outlet.

Special thanks to John HVO for lending me his guitar, which I have named Bruce. I promise I'll return Bruce to you....

Phun with Photoshop

I've never really dabbled with Photoshop, but the past week or so I've been playing with the Mac OS Lion background picture. My office just moved and now I'm in a room instead of a cubicle. All I want to do is decorate my office. So I've been playing with some effects in Photoshop. I thought I'd share.

Which ones should I include in my montage? Any other ideas? All I have to say is I love Photoshop. So much fun.

Also, I went to a concert/show a couple of weeks ago at the Midway Ice Rink. It's a cute little outdoor skating rink in arguably the cutest town in the world. I had a good time skating with my friends Elle and Ruthanne. Enjoy this photo.