Initiation

I've discovered recently that I have a knack for gross hyperbolation with the smallest, most trivial things. But I've known that for a while. What I'm coming to accept about myself is that I also tend to downplay important things that most people exaggerate.

Yesterday I crashed in my bike. And it hurt. I didn't simply fall over and scrape my knee, brush off the dust on the smoothly paved magical surface I was riding on. I didn't float like a cloud back to my apartment, waving like the beauty queens in all of those pointless parades I will soon be barraged with. No, I didn't spring back off the ground filled with new energy and a revitalized hope in my own strength.

No. I flew off my bike. I didn't just tip over gracefully. A stupid pedestrian cut into my way and I was thrust violently off of Stella, off the paved trail, into the gravel-filled, barbed-wire fenced side. One side of me was scraped up by the gravel, the other cut up by the barbs. I had to scramble out of the fence, facing upsidedown on an incline. I had to wash the dirt and gravel out of my cut and scraped, not scratched, knee. I wasn't offered any help. I didn't see the point in calling anyone either. Honestly, I just didn't want to bleed in anyone's car.

So I biked about six miles, uphill (yes I'm serious), to my bishop's house where his saint of a wife cleaned me out. I had never understood how alcohol could burn. Not really. But it really does. It was only then that I realized that maybe I was worse off than I thought, discovering new cuts each time I found a puncture in my tightly woven lycra and spandex shorts.

It was confirmed late last night that I lie to myself about things all the time. I faced myself in the mirror, toothbrush in hand, trying to gently, but firmly, clean out the remaining dirt in my knee. Maybe humor wasn't going to work for me this time, as it usually does.

See the thing is that I had told people about my crash and I suppose it was my own fault that I got responses that were "Wow I'm glad you're fine, but that's a really great story!" Not the words I want to hear when I'm trying to find any position that is comfortable, wondering how I'm going to sleep at all that night. It is in those moments that I realize that I need to communicate just a bit better.

But maybe I'm just an optimist. After all, as I was flying through the air the only thought that went through my head was Oh I'm crashing. I guess this makes me a real road biker. I'm official now. And it was only after that I thought Oh a barbed wire fence. That's going to hurt.


So now I sit musing on my bed, trying to give a fair representation of what happened while simultaneously wondering if my knee is ever going to stop pussing and hoping that I don't feel like I was a boxer's punching bag tomorrow. But then I'm instantly grateful for my body and it's natural ability to self-heal. And that I was blessed with an indomitable spirit.

Things always turn out. And they can always be so much worse. So all in all, I'd scratch this one up to a win. There I go again with my optimistic downplaying...

Seattle

I thought that when I moved to Utah that I was signing up for life in the desert.

Little did I know that it would decide to magically relocate to Seattle...

Dear Utah,

Thank you for the last two solid months of rain. You stink. You make me stay inside and be cold all day. Did you not get the memo that it is mid-May? Really? You also make it so Stella sits sad and neglected in my apartment.

Now you've got two of us who are upset.

Just stop raining and move us back to Utah and everything will be just fine for you.

If not...I don't know what the ramifications will be for you.

Cordially,
Laura

All Forward Motion Counts

All forward motion counts.

The past few weeks I've been thinking about this idea. I had watched the movie Elizabethtown and one of the characters says this. I was riding my bike and it crystallized even more. Sometimes we see our lives in these boxes: what we should be doing, where we should be going, what we should have already accomplished. But the fact of the matter is that if we're moving forward (meaning a positive life direction, not a self destructive one) that's all that matters.

That's a thought I have often when I'm having adventures with Stella. As long as you keep moving forward, you'll keep moving. It's as simple as that. Momentum is paramount in riding bikes. It is what gets you up the hills and powers you down the hills as the wind sweeps through your helmet (because who has hair that can be windswept when riding a bike?).

Sometimes life takes us in a different path than we had expected. I know my life is different than I thought it would be. I'm so grateful to know there is a God who knows me and who knows what is best for me. My life is so much better and more fulfilling than I could have imagined it could be.

If we just keep moving forward than we can make it over the hills in life, even if it takes us longer than we would want or is harder than we could have imagined.

Realizing My Dream of Being a Rock Star

So in our family home evening groups this semester we made music videos. We decided on "Separate Ways" by Journey (or rather, I decided on it and convinced the rest of the group that it would be epic). It was. Here it is. Please don't judge me too harshly on how I look.

Lesson 2 in Overcoming Acrophobia: Push Your Limits

Today I went climbing up the canyon again. It was a glorious day. I'd been planning on it for a few days. I now check the weather religiously. Like really, religiously (especially when it looks nice outside and there are freshmen playing frisbee in the huge field right out my window at work and I'm so sad that I'm stuck inside during the day but soon it will be over because I'll get to leave earlier once I'm graduated...this week). So I knew that today was going to be beautiful. And it was. Thank goodness. That would have been a huge disappointment.

After an extremely successful morning in the library, I came home and we set off for the canyon. I let my friend choose where we go (he knows better than I do). So he chose this rock face that was super hard. I tried to go up the way that it was intended, but I ended up cheating it and going up the easy way. It did, however, require that I shove my body up a huge crack and shimmy up the rest of the way. When I went up there I made the mistake of looking out to the trail. That was not smart. I couldn't see the ground and I started getting really nervous. I tried to calm myself down and get a grip, but I got another wave of acrophobia and ended up burying my head in the crack so I could calm down. It was then that I gave up and was lowered to the ground--a mere fifteen feet from the top of the climb.

I then belayed for him as he went up again, content to have both feet firmly planted on the ground, and in the sun.  Unfortunately, he had forgot some necessary gear to get the rope off of his carabiners at the top of the line. Whoops. So he came back down and told me that I needed to go back up and get the carabiners.

I was not a happy Laura. All I wanted to do was stay on the ground and not freak out again. But somehow he convinced me to try again. So up I went. And I got up just fine. It took me a while to figure out how to shove my body up the crack so that I could use my back to leverage me up instead of my knees.

But I did it. I got up.

While this may not sound all that impressive (and really, it wasn't by any standard), I still looked my fear in the face and told it to go bother someone else. It was a good feeling to get those carabiners off the anchors and me back on the ground. And I was a much happier Laura.

Sometimes you just need to tell your fears to take a hike and see what you can really do. Thank you rock face for helping me conquer my acrophobia just a little bit more. Until we meet again.

Pain

This morning at 5:55 a.m. my friends came and picked me up so we could go to the gym to lift weights.

1. I'm not a morning person. I hate waking up any earlier than is necessary; I usually end up waking up too late. So me waking up earlier than was necessary was weird.
2. I'm not huge on lifting weights. I lack the discipline needed to push myself with lifting weights.
3. Most of my workout clothes were dirty, so I had to wear my gigantic sweatpants. (I love these sweatpants, but they just aren't conducive to working out.)

But it ended up okay. My friends stayed together and did their man thing. I steered clear of lifting anything near them. I didn't feel like looking like a wimpy girl. But I would go over and check in with them when I was feeling lost or out of place or when I wanted to dance to a Justin Bieber song in front of them to mock them.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about pain. This semester has been a hard one for me for many reasons. It's been a big adjustment period for me. I'm working full-time. I'm going to school part-time. And I don't love, love, love my classes like I always have. And work can be tedious and disappointing. In many ways and with many things I've been disappointed with how everything has worked out.

But that's just how it goes sometimes.

Life can be disappointing. You just need to learn to roll with it. This weekend I listened to General Conference and one of the speakers talked about pain. It didn't really resonate with me until my dear roommate told me what he had said. He said something to the effect of "when you're feeling pain it means you're healing." That touched my heart. As all of us know, life goes in phases. There are harder times and there are more steady times. This just happens to be a harder one for me. And that's okay.

So today I've been so sore from lifting weights. From the resistance that I put myself through--to become stronger. My hamstrings and quads and those muscles under your armpits have ached. But it's been a reminder to me that the greater the resistance and the longer you put up with that resistance, the stronger you become. Right now, God's working on making me a stronger Laura. And I feel blessed by that. So I'll keep on lifting weights and waking up early so that I can be reminded that as I get physically stronger, I am also getting spiritually stronger.

Lesson 1 in Overcoming Acrophobia: Learn to Trust

Step 1 in overcoming your irrational fear of heights: learn to trust.

Have I fallen? Yes.
Did I die? Nope.
Did I get banged up a bit? Yep. But bruises are pretty, so it's no big deal. Just don't try kneeling down.

As I've mentioned previously, this past semester I've been climbing pretty consistently. It's a two-man kind of deal, so I've needed a consistent climbing partner. So I've been going with the same friend and I've had to learn to trust him. The first time we went, I couldn't even recognize his voice when he called out where I could place my feet or what I needed to do. But with time we've built up trust because when someone's got your life in their hands, you really don't have a choice. You just have to trust.



I haven't always been the most trusting person but people surprise me pretty often. That's part of the deal with this life, we have to learn to trust and have faith. I remember sitting in our den when we were living in Kansas and watching Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade for the first time. I watched this scene and I remember thinking "What is he doing? He's going to fall into that great big ravine!" But then it all worked out. I still think about that scene sometimes. Life is about trust. We don't know where we're going, but God does. We just need to have faith. Everything will work out if we're trying to do our best.

I just have to keep telling that to myself whenever I'm climbing. Trust the equipment. Trust the shoes. It's okay if you fall. And it always turns out just fine.

Thank you climbing.